Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back: 5 “Tried & True” Steps That Show You How

written by: Geri

What do you do when the “love of your life” decides to get on with his life – without you?

None of us goes into a relationship looking for a break up – and that´s what makes it so devastating when it happens...

Loving someone so much, then suddenly having him withdraw from your life can send you into a tailspin. And because you still have feelings for your ex, it´s only natural that you´re spending a lot of time and energy trying to find a way to get him back.

Get Him Back Step #1: Put The Past...in the past!
Whatever happened to bring about that breakup is in the past...and that´s where it should stay. You can´t change it, so the best thing you can do is move on. 

Instead of worrying about what you said and did then, take a closer look at the person you are now. Chances are, your ex isn´t going to want to get back together if whatever caused the problems to begin with is still bothering him. 

What changes can you make that could help him see you (and your relationship) in a different light? 

Your goal shouldn´t just be to get back together – only to have your relationship fall prey to the same problems all over again. Your goal should be to push past this breakup and  rebuild your relationship  to be healthier, more loving and stronger than it was before.

Get Him Back Step #2: Give Him The Space He Needs
Probably the hardest thing to do right after a breakup is to let go...but let go, you must! 

So, stop calling him. Stop texting him. Stop showing up where you think he might be. Trying to force contact is only going to aggravate the bad feelings between you – at least in the very beginning.

What you both need most right now is time and space. Time to cool down. Time to come to terms with your emotions. Time to think about what´s happened. 

Just because you´re not the one who wanted the breakup to begin with, doesn´t mean you´re the only one hurting. And when you´re both hurting it´s far too easy to say things you shouldn´t. Barbed comments aimed straight at the heart – where they can do the most damage. 

So, step back. Do each of yourselves a favor and give yourself (and your ex) the time you need to think things over before you make any move at all. 

Get Him Back Step #3: Turn Your Attention To...YOU!
Great, what do you do with all that time and space, now that you have them? Well the best answer here is to invest in yourself! 

After all, your ex isn´t just going to want to hear that you´ve changed. He´s going to want to see it. 

Truth is, when you´re in a long-term relationship, it´s really easy to lose touch with who you are. To become overly comfortable and start to take things for granted. 

This is the perfect opportunity for you to dive back into those passions and interests that might have gotten put on the back burner while you were together. Were you into biking, hiking or waterskiing? Did you spend hours painting, reading or debating the merits of green living? Were you active in a local church or charity? 

Getting involved with them again can help you learn more about yourself while also helping you see what it was that attracted him to you to begin with. (Not only that! Just think of all the exciting things you´ll have to talk about when you move on to step 4!).

Get Him Back Step #4: Making That First Move
You´re doing really well! At this point, you´ve been apart for a month or so. You´ve given your ex time to think things through a bit and taken time to explore your own thoughts, dreams and interests. 

Now it´s time to make that first move toward re-establishing your relationship. Of course, depending on your situation, it´s possible your ex might get in touch with you first – so, don´t think you need to rush for the phone just yet! 

But if you feel the time is right, you might want to give him a call. Before you do though, here are a few guidelines to help you out:

• Keep your calls – especially the first one! - short, friendly and polite
• Avoid any talk of relationships - past, present or future
• Consider your first call to be nothing more than “checking in to see how he´s doing”

Understand that your ex will be feeling you out to see how safe (translate: painless) staying in touch is going to be. The best thing you can do is stick to small talk and try not to keep him on the line longer than 15 minutes or so.

Chances are your calls will be longer as things progress but these first few calls really need to be kept short.

Get Him Back Step #5: Keep It Light & Friendly
At some point, either you or your ex will suggest getting together. And even though that´s what you´ve been working toward all this time, the thought can be really intimidating. Because getting together, face-to-face, means having no place to hide. You can´t just hang up or stop texting if things don´t go the way you thought they would.

Just remember – when that time comes - you´re not the only one who´s going to be nervous. He will be, too.

So, when you meet up again for the first time,  keep things light. No talking about relationships. No harping or becoming overly emotional. You may even want to go so far as to think about what you´ll talk about before the big day. Think about the questions he might ask and how you want to respond to them.

Because if this meeting goes well, there will most likely be more of them. And as you become comfortable with each other again, the awkwardness you´re feeling will start to fade.

Just know that you don´t want to rush this step. Take it slow and enjoy that new-found familiarity. And when relationship issues start coming up – as they surely will at some point – talk about them calmly. Be open to compromise. Show your ex you´ve worked hard to change because both he and your relationship are important to you.

As you spend time together, the natural process of these meetings may find you moving closer and closer to re-establishing your relationship. But if, for some reason, it doesn´t, you may simply need to ask. After all, the two of you have come a long way together and should be comfortable enough with each other to talk about what you´re feeling so you can come to an understanding. Don´t be afraid of taking that next step.

So, those are the 5 “tried and true” steps you can take to get your ex back. Many others before you have used these logical, progressive steps to help save their crumbling relationships. Of course, every relationship is different and only you can tweak and motify the suggestions above to fit your situation. But as you look for the signs and follow the pattern you will know when it´s time to move from one step to the next...so you can finally welcome your boyfriend back into your arms, where he belongs.

Want to learn exactly what to do and to say to get your ex lover back in your arms again? Click here